MAILBAG: Our Yeshivos Should Not Be Teaching Bochurim To Be Inconsiderate Of Others

I think there’s an argument to be made that the most important thing a young man can learn during his yeshiva years is how to be a mentsch. Yes, learning how to learn is great, but derech eretz kadma latorah.

Why do I mention that? Because I am dismayed and disgusted at the disgraceful practice of yeshivos having their bochurim make fundraising calls late into the night. Recently, I was rudely awakened by a call from one such yeshiva at the ungodly hour of 11:45 pm. This not only disrupted my and my wife’s sleep, but also reflects a level of insensitivity and disrespect that is utterly appalling.

Let me be clear: fundraising is an essential part of yeshivos. However, there are certain boundaries of decency and respect that must not be crossed. Calling individuals late at night crosses that line in every conceivable way.

First and foremost, as I noted earlier, yeshivos should be teaching their bochurim to treat others with care and sensitivity. Making fundraising calls well after the average person’s bedtime is the polar opposite of that. In a world already inundated with stress and anxiety, the last thing anyone needs is to be jolted awake by an intrusive call soliciting donations.

Making calls late at night demonstrates a complete lack of consideration for individuals’ schedules and responsibilities. Many people have early morning commitments such as work, school, or caring for family members. By interrupting their sleep, they are showing a callous disregard for the well-being of the very people they are seeking support from.

Moreover, it reflects poorly on the yeshiva itself. Instead of being seen as reputable institutions of learning and moral guidance, they are perceived as nuisance callers who have no qualms about disturbing people at all hours. This tarnishes their reputation and diminishes the respect and support they might otherwise receive.

This is all besides for the fact that subjecting bochurim to make these calls late at night is exploitative and unfair. These young men deserve rest and downtime just like anyone else. Making them work into the late hours of the night is not only unjust but also runs counter to the objective of yeshivos in the first place and instead turns the bochurim into fundraising machines. That’s fine to do at some times – Purim itself, for example – but not during the zman at midnight!

It is high time for these yeshivos to reevaluate their fundraising practices and show some basic decency and respect for the community they serve. Fundraising efforts should be conducted at reasonable hours, respecting people’s privacy and schedules. Failure to do so will only alienate potential supporters and further damage their reputations.


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  1. Take a chill pill 💊 instead of writing your complaints call the mossad and tell them to make a point of telling their callers not to call past 10:00pm
    was most probably done by one individual who wasn’t aware of the time and called you
    Do yourself and everyone else a favor instead of writing this letter take the extra time you saved from writing this letter lay down and take a nap

  2. It’s also very exploitative of the young person making the call. I was shocked when on Monday I received a call from a young girl identifying herself as an 8th grader in the school that she was fundraising for.
    I believe that that’s unhealthy to have a young girl do this as responses might be hurtful or inappropriate.

  3. If the schools aren’t paying the kids like fundraisers kids should not be fundraising.
    Same goes to parents

  4. You sound awfully arrogant.

    I personally wake at everyday at 4:30am everyday and received these late calls same as you.
    Except that I understand their Yeshiva is in dire straits and in need of assistance.
    The least I could do to be “noseh be’ol” is not be “dismayed and disgusted”.

    • Are you Kidding?! Nobody should get midnight phone calls ever unless c”v it’s an emergency.
      Most people are sleeping at that time. What are these fundraisers thinking?! They should get out of bed
      to go get their Credit Card… Chutzpah to even suggest he’s wrong

  5. They are teaching the girls hoe Kollel Life may end up. Most of the time it does not go down that road but sometimes it does especially if you decide to stay in Israel for life when the “cow’ may pass on to the next world and the milk jug dries quickly.

  6. I totally agree wirh the last comment said. I taught all my children. DERECH ERETZ KUDMA L’TORAH.
    I have long time learners in my family B”H, BUT, Being A Mentch with Middos Tovos is FIRST ON THE LIST.
    I know for a fact, that many shidduchim were not completed bec of the boys actions and speech on the dates.
    Thank you
    Kol Tuv
    Hatzlacha Rabbah

  7. Are you Kidding?! Nobody should get midnight phone calls ever unless c”v it’s an emergency.
    Most people are sleeping at that time. What are these fundraisers thinking?! They should get out of bed
    to go get their Credit Card… Chutzpah to even suggest he’s wrong

  8. You sound like your very against bachurim. Please keep in mind that they are keeping the world going and we need them at all times for their torah. 2nd of all, a lot of Yeshivas only end night seder at 12 o’clock, meaning they and all their friends are only starting their night at 1145 so please understand that their young and they don’t always realize that not everyone else is up the same times of them and I can guarantee you it’s not a Middos Problem as the Mishna in meshechtas kiddushin Says that torah brings a person to better Middos And they are learning literally a whole day so if anyone has good Middos It would be bachurim!

  9. This has nothing to do with Torah or the time the zman finishes or the fact that the bochrim are unable to tell the time. It is as the writer says a simple issue of menschlichkeit. People who don’t sit and learn literally a while day are also people with good middos. If the yeshiva doesn’t think this to be the case why are they asking them for money? We B”H give tzedoka to many different causes but we never ever give to people who call us at unreasonable times. If you think that is unreasonable, tough luck, we are only following the yeshiva’s example.

    • It Seems you know better than all these Roshei Hayeshivah.
      Personnaly I think this is the problem today, NOT Bochuriom’s Middos but Dumb baalei Batim who think they should even think of telling Rabbonim what is right or wrong
      Shame on all of you

  10. I know that nobody will listen to me, but I know people who do not let their children fundraise, as it feeds into them developing a very strong and unshakeable love for the “magic” of making money. Rav Aharon Kreiser zt”l was vehemently against it for this reason. to make fooling ourselves even harder – let us ask: Do you think that the Chofetz Chaim or Rav Elyashiv would have agreed that boys should telemarket during the zman? Shumu Shamayim, what are people thinking they will answer on Yom hadin. That the boys “needed an outlet?” Please.

  11. I’m not sure why everyone is making a whole major thing of this JUST TURN YOUR PHONE OFF before going to sleep or put it in do not disturb

  12. I personally can’t shut my phone. It is used for emergencies as do many with elderly parents. So you are suggesting didn’t teach right from wrong I should just figure it out? That’s called passing the buck…


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