The Hidden Cost of Shidduchim

It started with a phone call.

In January 2022, a young bochur in shidduchim reached out. He wasn’t looking for a shadchan—he already had suggestions. What he didn’t have was clarity.

Where should he take a girl for a first date? How should the evening be planned so it’s appropriate yet pleasant? How do you avoid the awkwardness of not knowing what’s expected?

That one call turned into dozens. Then hundreds.

It quickly became clear: the practical side of dating was being overlooked.

So, we launched the Dating Resources Network—a simple hotline where bochurim could get hadrachah for planning dates, advice on what’s appropriate, and help thinking through the details. Today, that hotline supports and coaches bochurim through more than 4,000 dates every single year—offering guidance, reassurance, and practical direction at a stage when many feel lost.

But the calls also revealed another challenge. Sometimes, a bochur knew exactly where he wanted to go—he just didn’t have the tools to make the date run smoothly. A Waze device for navigation, an umbrella for a rainy night, a board game for a relaxed activity—small things that can make a big difference.

We began stocking a few shelves and boxes with these items. Today, those shelves have grown into 16 dating gemach locations across the country, accessed over 20,000 times a year.

But then, a deeper issue emerged.

Parents began to reach out. Shadchanim quietly shared that promising suggestions weren’t moving forward. The reason? Money.

By the time you factor in a car rental, tolls, gas, and parking, a first date can easily cost over $165. And that’s before you calculate the costs of activities and dining on later dates. Multiply that across several dates, and for many families—especially those already managing tight budgets—the expense was simply out of reach. Dates were being improperly planned, others were too busy calculating costs to properly focus on the actual date, and yet others were simply not giving yeses at all.

That’s when we launched our Financial Aid Program—a discreet, dignified way to ensure that no one is held back from building a future because of money. Every application is carefully reviewed by rabbanim, and once approved, the bochur receives direct support to cover his dating expenses. To ensure every penny is well spent, we set clear maximum reimbursement amounts—no open checks.

In just the past year, over $240,000 has been distributed—quietly enabling hundreds of young men to date without shame or hesitation. And remarkably, the entire initiative is 100% volunteer-run. We have no payroll, no salaries—every dollar donated goes directly to helping bochurim move forward.

It’s quiet work. No headlines. No fanfare. But week after week, more couples begin their journey that might never have happened without a small amount of guidance—and a little bit of help.

Partner with us today in writing the future of Klal Yisrael one date at a time. 

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