I received a very distressing call this past week from one of my daughter’s who is attending a camp up in the Catskills. She was on the verge of tears, explaining to me how unfair camp was.
I didn’t understand at first; she had been loving every minute of camp. What suddenly changed? I finally pried it out of her. It wasn’t camp itself that was bothering her. Rather, many of her bunkmates had received massive food packages from their families. Boxes stuffed with every goody was being placed almost daily on the steps of her bunkhouse, and she felt left out.
We had sent her to camp with a box of food and nosh, as well as spending money for the camp canteen and other things she might want to buy over the summer. But it wasn’t nearly enough to keep up with what her campmates were getting, and it was making her feel left out. Even worse, for some reason getting these boxes are a status symbol for children, and it was something that she didn’t have to be proud of.
The truth is, we couldn’t keep up even if we wanted to. A bunch of girls are getting all kinds of fancy foods on erev shabbos; being that we are located in Lakewood, we probably couldn’t get such foods to her even if we tried. Regardless, we did our best to explain it to her, but it wouldn’t really go in.
This is an issue that camps should be taking seriously. It is not fair that some girls are “better” than others because they are getting food boxes. It is not fair that many girls have to feel left out, despite their parents spending thousands upon thousands of dollars for their summer vacation. It is not fair that camps allow this to occur without batting an eyelash.
The solution isn’t that complicated, either. Simply ban parents from sending additional food to their children beyond what they send them to camp with. If there is an extenuating circumstance (allergies, homesickness, etc.), exceptions can be made. But a rule should be in place that there are no food deliveries allowed.
What if campers need some extra food or nosh? That’s what the canteen is for.
Signed,
Feel Bad For My Kid
My daughter’s camp doesn’t allow you to send packages. I would imagine for this reason
Obviously you sent your kid to a camp that’s not on your social status. It’s hard to know before but I’m assuming if it’s as bad as your daughter is saying you could have found out the type from just asking a few people. Sorry she’s having a hard time.
I have been telling parents for years. They honestly think they r the best by doing so however they are ruining their children future by spoiling them .
They are punishing themselves too.
Camps must be alot stricter
Mother’s must sign an affidavit.
This is an ongoing problem formed by low self esteem mothers who live in a guilt trip.
I never sent my boys camp packages . Bh they where able to survive yeshiva life because u start when them r young. Bh we could afford it. However no point spoiling kids.
It’s been going on for a long time already and it’s a big problem due to the fact that parents already are spending thousands of dollars and kids still feel deprive due to the fact that they don’t get those ‘’extra’’ packages
And it’s only because others are getting it
and most times if the kid is affected, the whole camp experience, and joy is diminished,
as much as it’s on the camp, it should also be on the parents to understand !!
And if you want to be the parent to bring extra joy to your kid think about others and maybe give enough so that all the other kids will enjoy it to
I know people that will only send packages to their kids if there will be enough for everyone in that bunk !!
and that also teaches kids about sharing and caring !
I think there is one thing you are all overlooking.
It’s very important that your children learn (the younger the better) that their self worth and happiness is not reliant on what they do or don’t have. To learn that life is not fair and equal. To learn that trying to control your circumstances instead of live in them is unhealthy and ultimately leads to unhappiness. I also think we (adults/parents) can all relearn these lessons as well.
But the real issue at hand here is that most parents do not want to send their kids nosh boxes etc. in camp. They cannot afford it and are living with a lot of financial stress because of it. However there is a pressure on the parents to send these packages up to camp in order for the parents to feel (and be seen) as they are on the same (or higher) financial status as their peers (who by the way are not either wealthy by any means)
So you’re a socialist? You feel that we should legislate everything so everyone feels exactly the same? Unfortunately (or fortunately) it doesn’t work that way. You have an opportunity to teach your daughter firstly how life doesn’t have to be fair and secondly and more importantly to understand that getting silly food packages from home doesn’t make you better or happier or anything in any way.
You’re obviously not a parent.
you obviously can work on your parenting skills. it is true that by the time they are 16 it is too late to teach them this! however, if they are brought up with these values from a young age(like age 3, yes 3!) it is so satisfying, (it isn’t easy though)
She may of lost color war etc and was just telling you it’s the food packages. She had to vent to someone.
Teach your kid to not be jealous or put some effort into sending her a package once in a while. Many Lakewood stores have daily deliveries to camps.
Great comments. All of them.
How about you teach your daughter that life isn’t “fair”. That’s more important than any junk you can/can’t send her. How about you take her to Camp HASC or Camp Simcha so she can really appreciate how “fair” life is. Hope she doesn’t marry one of my grandsons in the future. Chances are she’ll make some poor shmo miserable demanding “fair” sheitels and “fair” jewelry, not to mention “fair” cars and a “fair” house.
Huh? This is a communal problem?
I think not. Teach your child that some have and some don’t. Some place emphasis on nosh while others emphasize other aspects of life. Most of my friends had far more than I did when I was growing up and instead of forcing them to have less, my parents proudly told me that this is what they could afford and I was taught to be grateful.
Get going – start training your child instead of yelling about how others need to fix your kids problems.
If camps do anything, they should cut out calls home. Let the kids learn some independence from the helicopter parents. Those kids will be the ones who’ll mature into great adults.
When I went to camp my parents sent me up with some canteen money and a box of food to last till visiting day. I had bunkmates who’s parents dropped them off with boxes of food, a fridge-freezer filled with food and BBQ supplies. Many of these friends had fresh shabbos food dropped off every Friday. None of us were jealous. Sure we wouldn’t have minded if we got that too but we understood some of our parents were too far to constantly bring us stuff while others couldn’t afford, but we were very happy to be friends with those who had more or less than us, and they always shared with us and we couldn’t have been happier. Kids today’s happiness is too dependant on being the same or having the same as others and parents are just enabling this wrong behavior. That’s not to say that kids aren’t allowed to want stuff but that if they don’t have everything equal to everyone they can’t possibly be happy is WRONG. We’re raising insecure, jealous, unhappy children. When all of us parents grew up there were friends of ours in all financial brackets. The wealthier ones had more things than those that weren’t but we all knew our place and appreciated what we had without the need to measure up to how that compares to everyone else. Parents have to stop encouraging this behavior and start encouraging their kids to have more pride and appreciation for what they have and where they come from. Most importantly stop calling camps and schools to force everyone to be the same and have all the same things. Kids are not better off when their parents encourage this.
Whoa, some of your comments are really harsh! Of course there will always be those that have more, like more clothes, more expensive stuff etc..but all of you. Think a minute.. why do campers need food delivered daily/ weekly etc ? They are in camp, which has food , canteen for extras, and they often go off grounds shopping, there is no need got the extra food/ nosh. Why some parents do this…is anyone’s guess. But it should not be allowed. Some things can be controlled or minimized. This is one of them. Can’t control the girl who comes with 10 skirts or 6 shabbos outfits, but this can be controlled. Its poor chinuch on the part of the indulgent parent.
Who cares????
Buy your kid a box
Stop kvetching
Send $100 package to ur kid
It’s nothing reliitvie to what it costs!!
I think this complaint is nonsense
Simple solution. Camps should charge a $500 per kid fee to allow weekly food delivery, amazon packages and hot kugels Friday. This will end the problem very fast. Even the big spenders won’t fargin the camp the extra money and will not participate.