Every year as Purim approaches, tension grows in Jewish homes. What are we making this year? Are we doing a theme? How much are we spending? Who’s on the list?
What was once a simple mitzvah has gradually become something elaborate. In too many communities — and certainly in my own community of Lakewood, NJ — Mishloach Manos has evolved into a carefully curated production. There are coordinated themes, custom logos, matching packaging, professionally printed labels, and color palettes worthy of a marketing firm. The cost reflects that shift. At $30 to $40 per Mishloach Manos, sometimes more, and with lists that can reach 40, 50, or even 60 recipients, the total quickly climbs into the thousands.
Even families that are generally financially stable feel the strain. The numbers simply do not add up in a community where tuition is relentless, simcha expenses are constant, seminary bills loom, and the ordinary costs of mortgages, groceries, insurance, and car payments never pause. There is no hidden reserve of “extra” money waiting for Purim to arrive. And hovering just weeks away is Pesach, with its own heavy financial demands.
None of this is meant as criticism of creativity or beauty. There is nothing wrong with investing thought and effort into a mitzvah. Many families genuinely enjoy the process of planning and designing. A beautifully prepared Mishloach Manos can reflect care and attention, and that in itself is meaningful.
The concern lies not in the creativity but in the expectation. Somewhere along the way, what began as optional flourishes have become an unspoken standard. And some who are spending the most can least afford it, but that reality rarely makes it into the conversation.
We tell ourselves it is only once a year, but in a calendar filled with year-round obligations, there is no true “only.” Each event layers onto the next. Each expectation compounds the last. And over time, what should generate simcha begins to generate stress.
It is worth asking what would happen if we collectively chose to recalibrate. What if under $20 became normal again? What if simplicity carried no stigma? What if children absorbed the message that the mitzvah is about strengthening relationships rather than impressing neighbors?
I recently came across a Purim challenge encouraging families to create the most inventive Mishloach Manos under $10. What struck me was not the contest itself, but the tone behind it. It rewarded restraint rather than escalation and creativity rather than cost. It felt like a subtle countercurrent to the prevailing tide.
Perhaps the most courageous move this year is not to outdo one another, but to model moderation. If enough of us quietly choose thoughtful over extravagant, meaningful over elaborate, the culture will shift.
Signed,
Shulamis
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Lakewood Alerts. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
$30-$40 dollars a shalach manos? Oish I truly feel for you. In my part of Lakewood, my wife bakes or makes the shalach manos ourselves, costing less than $10 each, and we certainly don’t give them to 60 people! I think it may be time to tone down your standard of living, or try to rethink you own values.
The self pressurization (not sure if that s a word) is insane. Stop looking at everyone else and do what you want. I guaruntee that in 2 weeks no one is going to remember what you dressed up like or you’re theme. In fact most will be looking how to get rid of the excess chometz before Pesach. Maybe start a trend of dressing like papers and giving out a potato and cracker. That will at least be memorable if it’s the attention the you are looking for. Anyways shoin
Kol hakavod.
You are suggesting a way to put the SIMCHA back into Purim.
Like everything else, it’s all in your attitude and your self confidence. My family has been doing a themed Mishloach Manos with matching costumes and matching seuda setup for over 35 years. Never have we had a Mishloach manos cost us more then $7 per and that’s including the package, what’s inside and the label.
Package $1 or less and asy to find on amazon
Label 15¢ designed by us, black and white, printed at home
1 higher end item that’s usually around $1.50 – $2.00
3 or 4 themed related items with none more then .50¢ each (chips are under .50¢ and take up a lot of space)
Can of soda or box drink $1.00
Works every year, and usually it’s not even this much. We have even done adorable ones for under $4.00 each
Problem is not cost. Problem is feeling insecure. Problem is feeling like you are a failure unless you go crazy and outdo the next. Problem is keeping up with the Jones’s. My kids loved Purim so much that those married with their own families are keeping up the tradition. Purim is a very fun and exciting Yom Tov by us with almost no stress or anxiety. And guess what, seems our effort is appreciated because everyone comes to us and we can’t even get out to deliver. Not because we are popular, but because it’s fun, exciting to see what we came up with and how creative we are.
Once you start with the bottle of wine and the boxes of chocolate or the bigger ticket items all you have done is spent extra money on things most people probably just say oh, very nice, thank you so much, and then move on. Truthfully, that’s probably what they say about ours as well but we only spent less then $7.00 so we are ok and don’t feel bad at all.
Try our way. It will change how you feel about Purim and turn what seems like a hard day for you into such a fun day. Takes time and creativity but all worth it when as a family we are hocking about Purim ideas by Chanukah time already. Keeps our imaginations alive and provides lots of fun family entertainment on our family chat and at our get togethers.
Enjoy your Purim or not. That’s your choice. However please don’t try to stop me from enjoying my Purim. It’s a highlight each year
Sounds like a you problem. Mine cost less than $4. I do it every year. It’s themed. It’s nice and classy. Never even heard of someone spending $30. Why don’t u just do what works for your family and stop being nervous about what everyone else does?
Yeas ago, there was a company that would send shaloch manos for you. I can’t remember the name of it. The shaloch manos would vary in size depnding on how many people were giving to the same person. On the card that came with it, it would say the names of the people who were giving to you. My parents used it and it saved a lot of time instead of driving for hours. If someone brought this back I’m sure people would use them.
This is not Lakewood’s problem. This is your personal problem. My wife manages to make a beautiful Mishloach Manos for under $5. I don’t think any of the Mishloach Manos I get are more than $10.
Most people I know spend around $4. I never heard of spending $30-$40 in my life and I have lived in Lakewood since I am a toddler.
What??????
$30 A M’M???
It costs us $6 to make.
Not sure what you are sending to people or where you’re buying your stuff. but like the other comments that is way out of anyone’s price range.
Hatzlocha,
It cost me 4.20 landed with all the ribbons. I think you need to learn how to budget