I’m not writing this as a “hocker.” I’m not a well-connected askan with an ear in every yeshiva. I’m just a regular guy living a regular life. And yet, I personally know of two recent cases where yeshiva bochurim — home for an off-Shabbos — fell into the hands of predators while hitching rides. One group of boys, Baruch Hashem, realized something was wrong and managed to escape.
The bochur in the other case did not.
He stepped into a car that looked safe, that belonged to someone who looked like “us,” that had a kind face and a local license plate, and he trusted the ride the way we all once trusted hitching — blindly. And he is now paying a dreadful, ongoing price for that moment of misplaced trust.
This is not a horror story from a dangerous big city. This is our community. These are our boys. And the car they got into could have fooled any one of us. The predator looked like your average Lakewood person.
I know of two incidents like this just from being a bystander to life. I shudder to imagine how many cases are not being spoken about, how many families are swallowing terror and shame, how many kids are suffering in silence because “this doesn’t happen in our community.” But it does. It happened. And it will keep happening as long as parents keep shrugging off hitching as harmless.
When I was a bochur, it wasn’t like this – as far as I know. Yes, we hitched all the time. And no, we didn’t hear stories like these. But times have changed.
Do you know who else knows that times have changed? Predators. They know our boys are trusting. They know our community has a culture of hitching. They know we see “heimishe” cars and assume safety — and that assumption has now become their greatest tool.
Parents: Your son getting a hitch isn’t “being resourceful.” It’s gambling with predators who look exactly like everyone else. And just because they are teenagers and not young children, it does not mean they are able to keep themselves safe and away from the clutches of dangerous people.
The solution is not complicated. Parents must firmly and explicitly discourage hitching. Not “be careful.” Not “only if it looks safe.” Not “if you’re stuck.” No. Teach your child: If you don’t know the person, you don’t get in the car.
If your teenager rolls his eyes, let him roll. Better a sigh of annoyance than a cry of trauma.
Our kids cannot protect themselves from a danger they don’t believe exists. It’s our job to teach them. It’s our job to draw the line. It’s our job to slam that car door shut, long before they open it.
Parents: do not let your children hitch. Not from a bus stop. Not from Yeshiva. Not from anywhere.
Signed,
A Concerned Resident
The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Lakewood Alerts. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.
I’ve been saying this for years, and so have the people who officially deal with these issues like Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz. Yes, even before “we didn’t hear stories like these”.
And yes I venomously refuse to give any hitches, for these reasons.
And this is just one aspect of the bigger problem of not acknowledging the predators problem.
thousands of bochurim hitch every day, what you’re saying is the equivalent of banning cars after you heard about a car crash, and please don’t use this to excuse your selfishness
Plus have people forgotten. Hitching is actually illegal.
People you know can be predators. A good guy once a hitch to what looked like a normal Jewish bochur. The bochur told him to give him $300 or he would say he was molested and he has a pic of car number plate. The driver screamed at him to get out.
I say this all the time. No one listens to me. I suggested a car pool but the mothers tell me, they have little ones and can’t. It’s better they take a babysitter and get their sons.
Thank you for making it public. But many have flip phones and won’t see this.
Maybe signs can be put up in supermarkets and pasted to the entrance door, eye level. This way no one will miss it.
They have signs all over about not leaving your baby in the car. Why not this?? Here you’re leaving your son on the streets.
I’m not from your community but I am from Lakewood I see this often where the young boys put their fingers out for hitches it’s not safe for them . Isn’t their anyway they can have a township bus pick them up or have a community vehicle pick them up safely?
how about walking or biking? They need excercise in any case.