MAILBAG: How Donald Trump Can Fix Lakewood’s Traffic Problems Once And For All

As I sit in yet another Route 9 traffic jam, I can’t help but wonder—how have we let this happen to ourselves? Lakewood’s traffic isn’t just bad. It’s catastrophic. It’s the kind of gridlock that makes you question life choices, scream at the dashboard, and contemplate moving to a remote farm in Montana. But that’s not really an option, is it? And so, here we are—trapped in a never-ending game of bumper cars with no escape in sight.

For years, we’ve heard and engaged in talk of a bridge across Lake Carasaljo. It’s a nice notion, but let’s face it—that’s not happening. New Jersey’s regulations are tougher than a well-done Trump steak, and there’s a reason the lake has a floating pedestrian bridge instead of the real deal. We need a solution that’s as ambitious as the problem. And I have it.

Tunnels.

Yes, tunnels. And not just any tunnels—Elon Musk tunnels. High-tech, sleek, underground highways carved by the master of innovation himself. His Boring Company has already redefined tunneling technology. They’ve done it in Las Vegas, and they can do it here. Imagine gliding beneath Lakewood’s chaotic streets, bypassing the myriad honking horns.

But how do we get Musk to turn his gaze toward Lakewood? Simple. Call in a favor. And who better to make the call than Donald Trump?

Let’s not forget—Lakewood was the Trumpiest town in New Jersey. We delivered him the highest percentage of votes in the state, not once but twice. If that’s not loyalty, I don’t know what is. It’s time to cash in on those political brownie points. Mr. Trump, it’s time to send Musk and his giant tunnel-boring machines to Lakewood.

And let’s not limit ourselves to dreaming about fewer traffic jams. A tunnel network could transform Lakewood from a congested town to an economic powerhouse. Businesses would thrive. Commutes would shrink. People might even stop complaining about parking for a hot minute.

This isn’t just wishful thinking. This is about demanding more for our political allegiance—because we deserve better. Lakewood, it’s time to dig deep—literally.

Sincerely,

A Fed-Up Local

The views expressed in this letter are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Lakewood Alerts. Have an opinion you would like to share? Send it to us for review.