QUESTION: Does the mitzvah to honor one’s parents continue even after they have passed away?
ANSWER: Yes. Shulchan Aruch (YD 240:9 – based on Kidushin 31b) writes that one must honor their parents even after they are deceased.
How is this honor given? For the initial twelve months after their passing, whenever the children quote their father or mother, they should say, “So said my father/mother, my master, hareini kaparas mishkavo/mishkavah” (may I serve as an atonement for him/her). Rashi explains this to mean that one accepts that punishment for the parent’s soul upon oneself. This is because the initial twelve months after a person passes away are a time of judgment for the soul.
After twelve months when mentioning a parent, one should say “so said my father/mother, my master, zichrono/zichronah livracha” (may their memory be blessed).
