Dozens of leading rabbanim from across Lakewood gathered on Monday afternoon to address the ongoing shidduch crisis that has left thousands of bnos yisroel waiting in pain for their zivugim. The atmosphere was heavy with emotion, as the gathered gedolim and roshei yeshiva wrestled with the plight of so many young women whose futures remain uncertain.
The meeting, part of a nationwide initiative spearheaded by Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch, was hosted by Rav Malkiel Kotler, rosh yeshiva of Bais Medrash Govoha. He, along with Rav Dovid Schustal, Rav Yisroel Neuman, and Rav Yaakov Forchheimer, all of BMG, made it clear: the status quo is untenable, and immediate action must be taken.
The proposed solution, carefully crafted by Rav Moshe Hillel, centers around closing the age gap—a well-documented factor contributing to the crisis. Under this new approach, bochurim would begin learning in Eretz Yisroel earlier, by Pesach of their third year in beis medrash, while girls would only begin shidduchim approximately a year after completing seminary. This shift, it is hoped, will naturally create a more balanced dynamic, increasing the number of available young men for shidduchim and relieving the unbearable wait so many bnos yisroel endure.
Despite the gravity of the discussion, there was a strong sense of hope—hope that, finally, a structured, communal approach could bring about real change. Gedolim and rabbanim who have spent years guiding talmidim and their families emphatically voiced their support for this initiative, underscoring that such an adjustment would neither hinder the bochurim’s limud haTorah or compromise the spiritual development of those seeking their zivugim.
One by one, rabbanim rose to speak, their voices carrying the weight of the thousands of shattered hearts they represent. Rav Henoch Shachar, Rav Binyomin Cohen, Rav Uri Deutsch, Rav Dov Kahan, Rav Elya Chaim Swerdloff, and Rav Shlomo Feivel Schustal all addressed the gathering, urging their kehillos to embrace this solution and actively support the movement to resolve the crisis.
But it was Rav Shlomo Feivel Schustal’s emotional plea that left the room in stunned silence. Breaking down in tears, he wept over the unimaginable tzaar of the thousands of young women who wait year after year, davening, hoping, and longing for their bashert. His cries, raw and unfiltered, pierced the hearts of those present, serving as a stark reminder that this is not merely a matter of numbers or statistics—it is a human tragedy, playing out in homes and families across Klal Yisroel.
The assembled rabbanim left the gathering with a renewed sense of urgency, ready to lead their kehillos in implementing the vision of Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlit”a. Across the U.S., similar gatherings have been taking place, reflecting the overwhelming support of gedolim and community leaders who see this initiative as a critical step forward.
How about start with abolishing the freezer. Pretty simple and doesn’t need everyone in the parsha to get on board.
Instead of the girls waiting after semnary, why don’t they go a year later? (given hat often girls ‘cool off’ from what they attained in EY..}
Was it brought up that in order to get a good BMG boy, there is an expectation of a very specific amount that is required for a girls parents to commit to? Anyone that is not able to commit is not even considered. How many girls are turned away for that reason alone? This generation and its challenges are tough enough as it is, yet we continue to push the envelope further on everything, we are imploding.
Tell bmg to stop the freezer them u will be better off.
Why does every solution come with a new manipulation of when people can do things?! The boys and girls are polluted with worldly ideas about marriage. People have to cut out the nonsense of needing a model, support, career, learning or whatever and start marrying for the reason only because they are good people who are committed to being a good Jews, a good spouse and a good parent, and NOTHING ELSE!
Want to solve the shidduch crisis? Defer parental involvement and reference calls until after the third date. Bingo!
A step in the right direction. Thanks to the Rabonim that care about the crisis. .
Can anyone say musar , That a Bachur saying I’m not listening until age 23 is an Avaire as mentioned in the beginning of Tefilla Zake.
Also, can anyone mention in their Shabbat Hagadol, or in their Shabbat Tchuva Deroshe That prolonging Shidduchim is a transgression of לא תעמוד על דם ריעך as signed by more than 100 Rabonim.
For a copy of the Kol Korai see shiduchcrisis.com.
BMG’s freezer must go!
Nice idea, but unfortunately not really possible to enforce or implement… we aren’t a chassidus where whatever the Rebbe says goes… if someone suggests a shidduch I don’t see the parents of a girl turning it down because she hasn’t been home from seminary long enough…
All lip service. A buck short and a day late.
If every girl had to leave her parents’ home at 21 to take on responsibilities and live independently, most would be married within a year. They would be more likely to say yes and commit to the great boys they are dating—boys who, by the way, often experience more pain than girls, yet no one seems to care. After all, Chazal say, ”Tav lemeitav tan du milemeitav armelu” (Kesubos 75a) – it is better to live as a couple than to remain alone.
It’s time to open an organization dedicated to giving chizuk to the boys and supporting them through the challenges of dating. Ask shadchanim and dating coaches, and you’ll hear that boys will do anything to get married, while girls are too comfortable and having too much fun to say yes unless it’s more than perfect.
How about all y’all get together and find the money that was stolen from Lakewood district
Its high that all Manheegim we start looking at the problem they created. When a boy finishes high school and is of marriage age according to chazal he is totally unprepared for life. He has no trade nor the ability to learn a trade. He ha sno deerech halimud that will interest him to learn. Kveching 3 blatt a year does not give anyone a derech halimud. This type of derech is great for a boy remaining in yeshiva up to age 47. When a boy finishes high school he should have completed most sugyois and shulchan aruch. A Jewish home cannot be operated without this basis. לגרוס איניש והדר לסבור. With such a basis he will have cheshek and the ability to learn all his life. I went thru Polish derech halimud and to this day I spend most of the day learning – not in kolel. They must learn a proffessional trade where a minimum amount of time is required for parnosa and the rest for learning. A man must support the family not a woman. A woman’s place is at home and to be mechanech her children. A lot of emphasis must be put to the girls that her husband must not be a kolel yungerman. That brings all problems. I raised my children that way and they left kolel and started learning. Each one with large families spends 4-5 hours working and 7-10 hjours learning. I guess its our manheegim who broke the system now its up to you to fix it. וד”ל
Is it so hard to just follow Daas Torah without people putting in their 2 cents about why it’s not flawless. There is an issue going on & every Bar Daas understands that & knows it needs to be addressed. Our devoted Rabbanim are doing their best to address it. Let’s all do what all generations previously did & follow the calls of our revered Gedolim.
This is a wonderful idea whos time has come!
Finally we have a real initiative targeting the problem, with actual data to back it up, and our Gedolim behind it full force.
Instead of complaining about the problem, we can all come together to make this actual plan a reality.
Kudos to all involved!
Wow. A shudduch “crisis” the only crisis we have is we think we are G-d and we don’t let the shudduch prospect be _natural_ confirming to a system isn’t natural or normal. Let G-d figure out shudduchim and get rid of the stupid resume. We make our own problems really. There are actually more. Single men then single woman but instead of basing a relationship off compatibility and shared values we are stupid and make it all about conformity and _money_ what a
If we let reality speak a little bit and open the shudduch system there would be no crises. We also have to get back to basics morality. Not stupid elitism and conformity. Everyone is looking for money. Start living within your means. Do what make sense for _you_ respect _yourself_ you also matter and your whole doesn’t have to fallow some design implanted in you by some oligarchs. Of course there’s a crisis. The world doesn’t and cannot conform anymore to our crazy obnoxious elitist. Cruel system
Get rid of the resume start trusting our friends to know us enough to set us up. Start using your own sechel to meat out the bad guys. And start meeting for compatibility and shared values. Not money and conformity. So simple